Like a Jia Le: Like a lian but smart! (Hehe, shyshy that you all think so highly of me)
Like a Ying Qi: Like a nice & innocent but deep deep inside is a closet bitch.
Like a RuYi: Like an inexpressible.
Like a SiZheng: Like an irritating.
Like a T: Like a ugly/cheater. (BOTH contributed by Qi; told you she’s a bitch.)
You can try to pretend they’re not there, but sometimes it’s true that they sneak up on you.
Anger/Irritation/Sadness/Happiness/Being upset/Annoyance, etc.
No friend would wish anything bad on me, nor want to cause any hurt/confusion.
This I understand.
But this does not negate any part of my emotions which I feel.
It may not be deliberate, but accidental/tactless hurt is no less than any others.
I’m done w being a little upset. Merely wanted to think about emotions now that I’m fine. :)
A lot of times, I try to rationalize issues with myself, but often, the “what-if”s come into the picture. I may not have been truly hurt in the event, but I will think - There was a potential of me getting hurt.
& I won’t apologize for any emotions felt. I can only say I’m sorry for not playing the pretense game as well as others do.
It makes me feel foolish & manipulated.
It makes me analyze the intentions of a person and the act.
& it brings back too many unhappy memories & all the unresolved thoughts that I thought I had grown immune to. One of the most gnawing one - Are sins of omissions lies?
You know how we run when we see tigers & lions? It’s cause we know we can never win them.
That’s why I feel the immense urge to take flight when you’re being dishonest/shady w me. It’s my defence mechanism. But I try to understand that it’s your own defence mechanism too. & if I do not have such trust w you, believe me, I would have up & go.
I think sometimes I think & feel too much after talking to many people, especially my friends. & upon reaching home, I’m just dead beat. Marrrh.
Sorry Fly for not being able to skype w you. I’ve reach my enthusiasm & spontaneity quota for this period. Time for system shut down & restore. I’ll be full of smiles the next time we meet on the screen. :)