♥ I F I N L E

But, I tell myself, I will try my very best not to let these things get to me. ‘cause it’ll just never be worth it.

I feel unworthy/like crap at times ‘cause of tactless actions. But, I will love myself harder & value myself all the more. & smile that even if I’m an option, I still provide joy.

The one I’d watched you used since forever. & indeed, the one you’ve been using since you’re married.

I kind of not know what to feel again.

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Sometimes, you ought to feel something. But you don’t. And you kinda feel something for not feeling anything. But you also don’t know what. Fear of loving too less? Perhaps.

There is no regrets, because if time were to reverse, I would still have done the same thing. But it’ll be a lesson. To not be so giving. Either to people or to an individual. I will reflect and come to a conclusion as to whether I should stop being so nice to everyone, or just to an individual. Most probably the latter, ‘cause it’s unfair to others if I make such a sweeping verdict on everyone just based on a single soul.

One of the things I learnt from AS - distinction between necessary & sufficiency.

It’s quite a hard concept to grasp, & even after thinking I understood it, some times, I still fumble with its application in different contexts.

Necessary is being needed as a part of your life.
Sufficiency is being the only part that is needed for you life to be whole. 

Often, when we fall in love, we kind of lose our rationality and forget the fact that individuals are only necessary, but never sufficient in our life. It’s a sad fact, and a scary thought that likewise, when you do not exist (either on Earth or in their lives), others too proceed on with their life.

We often want individuals, especially your love, to become sufficient in your life, and you to him/her. Somehow, we get this notion that this is the only way to prove the magnitude and extent of our love. & when love strikes, it befuddles the brain to trick itself into believing that the fact of individuals never being sufficient in lives of others can be disproved. 

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When someone cease to have their presence exerting influence on your life, the absence will definitely be felt. It is only the extent that matter - it it the gripping raw need, or the easier let-it-be sensation? 

Yet regardless, the fact stands that your life goes on, and you live on. & the Earth continues to rotate, cars move & time pass. The only difference is your feelings. But what’s important is whether you want to continue tricking yourself to believe that your life has stopped in that instant that someone left, or to pick yourself up, & to relearn the ways of a new life, & to see things in a different perspective.

Thank you, the 2 of you. I guess I can honestly say I am doubly blessed ‘cause I have you two showering love on me today, not just one. :)

I lava how each of us feel so happy to have met the other two.
I lava how when I feel sad I know who to find to support me.
I lava how I know that we will always work to maintain our friendships.
I lava how I secretly know that we will last.
I lava how we both meet each other after we’ve grown up, yet accept each other wholeheartedly.
I lava how our friendships aren’t superficial.
I lava how you 2 stay up till 3am to do such sweet gestures.
I lava how you 2 will entertain my attempts at jokes. ^^ 

& I lava the 2 of you. :)

Happy Valentine’s Day.

LELE LURB LURB EUU. 

Just promise me, don’t ever tell me that your life is not worth living.

& because, to me, you have absolutely no right to say that in my face ‘cause I’ve told you so much about d. & because, to me, it’s just another form of emotional manipulation. (I know you don’t mean it, but it’s sensitive ‘cause you rack up so much horrible insecurities in me.)

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& I am very much gladdened by everything you’ve told me today. I hope you’ve really learnt the lesson well, & that my words are finally assimilated into your system. It’s okay to feel lapses again, here & there, ‘cause I’m sure feelings will re-surface. But, remember what you promised me, that you’re never going back to that ditch again. You deserve much better than that & you’re stronger than who you think you are.

Don’t worry about what happens to us after you’re up on your feet again. Just walk on & don’t think too much. 

A teacher never asks of a student to stay by her side once he is independent. I rather like this concept. I won’t ask of you to do anything at all, ‘cause actually, there’s little you can do for me too. Just live your life well, & be happy. 

That will be the greatest end to this entire episode, ‘cause at least, I won’t feel that I’d wasted my time. & that’s the only thing I expect of you.